I Have Something To Tell You
by elliy2002
Summary: In the 5th Book we know Dumbledore tells Harry something, and this Fic goes though all of the different possiblites ~2 Chapters~
1. Sirius Black

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
A/N: This is going to be different things that Dumbledore might tell Harry in the 5th Harry Potter Book. Some may be funny, or ment to be funny. Anyway, enjoy.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"I have something to tell you Harry, please, sit down! I should have told you this 5 years ago."  
  
Harry slowly sat down in the chair across from his headmaster.  
  
"Harry, Sirius Black is your godfather!"   
  
Harry looked confused. "I...I know sir!"  
  
"Well, I've just wanted to tell you this as I've been preparing this for 5 years!"   
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Ideas needed for the next ones! Thanks! 


	2. Why?

I Have Something To Tell You   
  
Chapter 2 - Why?  
  
A/N: Thanks for all of your ideas, I will *hopefully* get around to using them all!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Harry, I have something I need to tell you, I should have told you this 5 years ago, please, sit down!"  
  
Harry slowly lowed himself into the chair oppisite his headmaster.  
  
"Harry....I know why Voldemort only wanted to kill you and your father...and not your mother!"  
  
Harry gripped the edge of his seat, the one question he had asked himslelf since his 3rd Year, and he was going to find out the answer.  
  
"Harry, you know Voldemort is the Heir of Slythrin, well..." Harry looked into his Dumbledore's eyes, wondering. "You are the Heir Of Gryffindor!"  
  
Harry let go of the chair in surpise. Him? An Heir? THE Heir of Gryffindor? He just couldn't belive it. He was related to the founder of his house.  
  
Harry sat back in the chair as Dumbledore placed a hand on his shoulder. "If you need to talk, I am always hear for you!" With that, Harry stood up and slowly walked down the stairs.  
  
~ ~ ~   
  
A/N: They couldn't all be Comady....well, until next time, Please R/R! 


	3. Wizard

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 3: Wizard  
  
A/N: OK, back to Comady, don't know if this will be funny or not...but please reveiw!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Harry, I have something to tell you! I should have told you this 5 Years Ago, please, sit down!"  
  
Harry slowly sat down, his headmaster was about to tell him something important and he was prepared for the worst.  
  
"You're a Wizard Harry!" The old headmaster looked Harry in the eyes.  
  
"I'm a...what?" Harry sighed.  
  
"A Wizard!" Dumbledore said knowliy.  
  
"I know Prof...Hagrid told me, in my first year!" Harry said, standing up.  
  
"You don't know how hard it is to find something to tell you!" Dumbledore sighed as Harry left his office.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Well, what did you think? Be brutal! BE BRUTAL! 


	4. Voldemort

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 4: Voldemort  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Harry, I have something to tell you! I should have told you this 5 Years Ago, please, sit down!"  
  
Harry looked around his headmasters office, and Fawkes landed on his shoulder. As he storke his feathers, Dumbledore sat down.  
  
"Harry, Voldemort is..."  
  
Harry knew what was coming, he had been waiting for it all summer. "trying to kill you!" Dumbledore said, lowing his head.  
  
"WHAT? WHAT?" Harry yelled, standing up quickly, causing Fawkes to fall off.   
  
"I know it may seem hard to belive Harry but..."  
  
"Hard to... PROF DUMBLEDORE! I KNOW!" He yelled before turning and storming out of the office.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Hehe, thank you thank you! Do yeh think Dumbledore should tell Harry 'bout the Reveiw button? AKA, REVEIW! PLEASE! 


	5. Potter

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 5: Potter  
  
A/N: Someone asked why each Chapter starts the same, the reason is because it's the same scence but different possiblites! I have changed the beginning slightly because this is how this part starts!   
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sat down oppisite his headmaster. What was he going to tell him?  
  
"Harry, your..." Harry looked at him. "surname is Potter!"  
  
Harry stood up very quickly, making the chair fly back.   
  
"That is all!" His headmaster said, standing up and leading Harry down the stairs.   
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: I know I know, it wasn't very good but it was a suggestion, and I am going to use everybody's suggestion, the suggestion was really good but I just couldn't word it! 


	6. Nitwitwhat else was it?

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 6: Nitwit...um, what else?  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry looked at Fawkes, asleep.   
  
"Harry, you may want to draw up a chair!" And he drew a chair in thin air and it came down solid, and Harry sat down.  
  
"OK, here it is! Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" Dumbledore said, also sitting down.  
  
*BANG* Harry's chair had dissappeared and left Harry rubbing his now sore but.   
  
"Ouch!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: What did you think then? 


	7. Daddy?

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 7: Daddy???  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry nodded and sat down oppisite Dumbledore.  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "Harry...your father didn't die!"  
  
"WHAT?" Harry's eyes widened. He didn't know whether to be happy or angrey. His dad was alive...but where?  
  
"The fact is....James Potter died..."  
  
"But...James Potter is, well, my dad!" Harry corrected Dumbledore.  
  
"No Harry, I am your Dad!" Dumbledore looked at Harry, smiling.  
  
Harry's jaw dropped. "Y..You? B...B..But, no!" He looked up and saw that Dumbledore was not joking.  
  
"Dad?" Dumbledore held his hands out and Harry jumped into them, crying into the old man's robes.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Well? 


	8. And That Makes Us?

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 8: And that makes us???  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sat down and looked into Dumbledore's twinkling eyes.  
  
"Harry, I am your Grandfather..."  
  
"Wow, really sir? That is so so so cool! We could..."  
  
"No Harry, you didn't let me finish! I am your Grandfather's brother's uncle's twice removed son's daughter's aunty's friend's former roommate!"  
  
"Oh, right, well, what does that make us?"  
  
"Nothing Harry, which is what you're going to be when Voldemort returns! Man he's strong!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Well? What do you think? 


	9. Love

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 9: Love  
  
A/N: I don't often write Slash, but it was a request so, here:  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sat on the desk and Dumbledore stayed standing up.  
  
"Harry, I...I...I love you!" Dumbledore muttered.  
  
"You...You do?" Harry asked. Dumbledore nodded. "That's great, I love you too!" Harry said and jumped up, hugging his headmaster.  
  
"Oh Harry Warry!"  
  
"Bumblebee!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Ugh! Slash...not something I like writing.... 


	10. Sisters

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 10: Sisters!!!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry wondered what Dumbledore was about to tell him as he sat down in the chair.  
  
"Harry I am your cousin's aunt's uncle's brother's cousin twice removed's father. This means we're sisters!"  
  
"Um, Dumbledore..."  
  
"Yes Harry?"   
  
"You mean brothers, right?"  
  
"No, Harry, we're sisters! You know, we're girls...."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Anybody see the HP Parady on Comic Relief? "The Chamber Pot has been Emptied" 


	11. NSYNC

I Have Something To Tell You   
  
Chapter 11: NSYNC  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry looked around the office, which hadn't changed. Still the same pictures of the same headmasters/headmistress. He slowly sat himslef down in the chair.  
  
"Harry, Voldemort wants to humiliate you by making you do the macareana in a grass skirt and coconuts while singing along to NSYNC."  
  
Harry stared at him in disbelief. "You...You're joking, right?"  
  
"No Harry, I'm afraid not."  
  
Harry looked very frightened indeed, he hated NSYNC. "But...But sir! Can't he just...just HURT me?"  
  
"He seems to think this will be better."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Sorry all you NSYNC fans, I had to do this, it seemed quite funny :P 


	12. Daddy AGAIN?

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 12: Daddy...AGAIN????  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sat down, wondering what Dumbledore could tell him. Could it be about Voldemort? His parents?  
  
"Harry, your name is NOT Potter!"  
  
"Huh? B..But sir.....you know, Harry Potter by J.K Rowling, Potter Sweeps the Nation, How can it NOT be Potter?"  
  
"Harry, you are Harry Dumbledore!"  
  
"But....that would mean..."  
  
"I am your father Harry!  
  
"NO! LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!" He covered his ears and, as tears ran down his face, he ran from the office, still crying like a girl.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: I know I know...it's been done but still...CAN'T WAIT FOR JUNE 21st!!!!! 


	13. Unlucky Harry it IS Chap 13

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 13: Woman...Unlucky Harry  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry took a deep breath, bracing himself for what was going to come.  
  
"I'm a Woman Harry!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"And so is Proffeser Snape, Ron, Dean, Seamus...."  
  
"No...this can't be happing...."  
  
"Draco, Crabbe, Goyle..."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Oh and Harry...I love you!"  
  
"Aww...I love you to!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Ugh...more slash! Oh, and my reveiws target: 150! I have 100 at the moment...come on People...vote! Oh, and please check out my other fics! 


	14. They all get to say it

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 14: They All Get To Say It!!!!!!!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sat down in the chair and looked around the room. Fawkes landed on his shoulder. "'Lo Fawkes!"  
  
"Harry, I am your father!"  
  
"Um..no you're not!"  
  
"I know but every other cool star gets to say it!"  
  
"Oh...right..."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: What is it with the Harry/Dumbledore Father thing? :S 


	15. Woman

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 15: Woman  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry took a deep breath and sat down.  
  
"You're a woman Harry!"   
  
"A...A woman? Cool, I can look at myself."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Had to put the last but in, sorry 


	16. Voldemort

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 16: Voldemort   
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry lowed himself into the chair oppisite his Headmaster.  
  
"Harry, Voldemort doesn't excist!"  
  
"But...But I SAW him!"  
  
"No Harry, that was Snape without his make-up!"  
  
"But you all TOLD me!"  
  
"Harry, we made Voldemort up to get lots of Money! You see, every good story has a villian and a hero...and you are no longer in this story! It is being re-name Ron Weasley The Red Haired Wizard!"  
  
Harry stared at his headmaster, bewilded. The door burst open and Ron jumped in, wearing a red cape with red clothes. Worst than Lockhert.  
  
Harry stared open mouthed as wizards and witched poured into the office, and Ron sigined autographs.  
  
Harry was pushed to one side until, he was forgotton.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: :P 2 birds with one stone...the Voldie for money and Snape W/Out make-up suggestion :P 


	17. Dead

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 17: Dead  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry looked around the office. The pensive sat on a shelf. Harry noticed pictures of his parents pop up.  
  
"Harry, your parents are dead!"  
"What? No.no they can't be.they just.just can't be.when?"  
  
"Um.I belive it was 14 years ago."  
  
Harry breaks down in tears. "Nooo.please..why me? WHY????"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Um.please review.oh yeah, I've decided to change Flames into Howlers and send them to Voldemort! Thanks! (I seem to get a lot of flames.oh, and please read my Harry Potter and the Order of The Pheonix! Thanks!) 


	18. Satellite Transmissions

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 18: Satellite Transmissions  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sighed and sat down.  
  
"Harry, your scar can pick up satellite transmissions!"  
  
"Really? Wow, cool!" Harry smiled. "Wait.I'm..I'm getting something.."  
  
"What is it Harry?" Dumbledore asked, grinning a grin that didn't suit him.  
  
"We will attack your planet.you have no hope..we will help The Dark One win..that's Voldemort for you earthlings."  
  
Dumbledore sighed and lent back in his chair. "I guess we're doomed!"  
  
"Yep! What shall we do now Prof?"  
  
"Well, I suggest we wait for Voldemort!"  
  
"OK!"  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Wow.that must have been the longest one.. 


	19. Scitologists

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 19: Scientologists  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry looked at Dumbledore, who seemed older than before. He was looking at Harry with knitted brows.  
  
"Harry, your parents were Scientologists!" Dumbledore said in the way that only he could have said it.  
  
"What are they?" Harry asked confused.  
  
"I don't know!" Dumbledore said, the twinkle in his eye gone.  
  
"Oh my god, you don't know something?" Harry asked, shocked.  
  
"I know, I'm surprised my self.."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: What ARE Scientologists??? 


	20. Grandfather and The Chamber Of Secrets

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 20: Granddad and Chamber Of Secrets  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry sat down opposite Dumbledore. "What is it sir?" He asked.  
  
"Harry, this is very very important. Harry, I am your Grandfather!"  
  
Harrys eyes widened. Should he be Happy? Disappionted? Excited? Upset?  
  
"Proffeser Dumbledore sir, 'Arry didn't attack 'im.I was with."  
  
"Hagrid."  
  
"Yes sir?"  
  
"Are you on about the Chamber Of Secrets thing AGAIN?"  
  
"Well.yeh know, my only chance to save 'Arry from something an' all."  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: There! Done! Finally! 


	21. Dobbys Socks

I Have Something To Tell You  
  
Chapter 21: Dobby's Socks  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses.  
  
"It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry. Please, sit down!"  
  
Harry took a deep breath and lowed himself into the chair.  
  
"Harry, Dobby wanted me to tell you, he likes the socks."  
  
Harry looked confused for a moment.  
  
"Oh.oh right." Harry stood up and left the room. Wow.he never knew.he sniffed as he tried to fight back tears.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Oh, and yes I have seen Spaceballs, but all of the ideas come from Reviews which people send in, k? 


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